It’s estimated that about 70% of adults in the U.S. have experienced some type of trauma in their lives.
It may have happened when you were a child, or later in life. Whether it happened through something like abuse or witnessing a traumatic event, trauma can impact you in negative ways for years to come.
Unfortunately, when two people have a traumatic history in a relationship, it can create something called “trauma bonding.” It can even happen in your relationships with family members or friends.
While that might seem like a way to experience support, it can end up doing more harm than good.
Let’s take a look at a few ways in which trauma bonding negatively impacts your relationships.
1. It Can Make You Feel Guilty
If you’re in a relationship with someone who caused a trauma in your life, they could end up making you feel like you’re going crazy.
It’s easy for abusers to shift the perspective of their victims, often using gaslighting techniques. They can get you to change the way you view what happened, or what continues to happen. Instead of recognizing that you’re the victim, they can end up making you feel like you’re the one to blame.
Deep down, you’ll always know the truth. However, that kind of conflicting information going on in your mind can cause you to feel anxious, stressed, and depressed.
2. Ever-Present Fear
One of the scariest parts of trauma bonding is the fear one person in the relationship can feel.
This is especially true if you’re in a relationship with someone who is threatening you or the people you love. You might feel like you can’t “escape” or something bad will happen. Essentially, you’re a prisoner in the relationship and constantly walking on eggshells.
3. Low Self-Esteem
It’s not uncommon for one person in a trauma-bonded relationship to struggle with self-esteem.
Maybe you had low confidence to begin with, and your partner is taking advantage of that. Maybe the trauma or the abuser is to blame for your low self-esteem.
Whatever the case, it’s easy for an abuser to feed on your lack of confidence and make it worse. They can negatively impact the way you see yourself, and make you feel like you “need” them. They can also make you believe that you deserve the negative treatment you receive, so you’re more likely to stay in the relationship.
4. Manipulation Tactics
Abuse comes in many different forms.
When you’re trauma-bonded with someone who abuses you mentally, emotionally, or physically, they’ll typically try to use manipulation to get you to remain in the relationship. They’ll offer small glimpses of hope and happiness—just enough to convince you that things might change.
Often, abusers will “love bomb” the people they’re in a relationship with. They’ll apologize for their behavior. They will make promises to change. In many cases, they’ll cover you with adoration for a period of time, and it can feel like you’re on cloud nine.
Unfortunately, it’s typically nothing more than a manipulation technique. It doesn’t last, and it won’t be long before they fall into their old habits and repeat the cycle.
What Can You Do?
So, what should you do if you’re trauma-bonded with someone and you’re experiencing the effects of an unhealthy relationship?
Seek support.
Get the help you need and do what you can to leave the relationship immediately. It might not seem easy right now, but it’s essential to get out quickly before any abuse escalates or your partner continues to implement control.
Leaning on family members and friends is essential, but don’t be afraid to seek professional help, as well. The impact of trauma-bonding can cause problems for years, and you don’t have to work through those issues on your own.
Please reach out to us for a free consultation with a supportive and compassion therapist today.
Please learn more about our trauma and PTSD therapy services in Colorado. Serving Boulder, Longmont, Denver.
