If you have ever wondered if you are shy or have social anxiety, and aren’t sure what to do about it, you are not alone. Anxiety has been increasing in the United States since the pandemic affecting nearly 1 in 4 adults, millions of people, according to a 2023 report. Social anxiety is the most common form of anxiety impacting young adults between 18-29 years the most, with more women than men, more LGBTQIIA+, more BIPOC, and more socioeconomically disadvantaged people being affected. The prevalence of social anxiety is 3rd to substance use and depression as the three leading mental health issues in America today. In other words, if you suffer from social anxiety, you are not alone.
What is the difference between shyness and social anxiety?
Shyness
Shyness and social anxiety are often mixed up with each other. Shyness is a milder form of social anxiety which can definitely be uncomfortable, but is not disabling. While some may think of shyness as an inborn trait, studies show that shyness appears as a social response to stressors in the environment as early as 6 months of age. Introversion, however, which also gets mixed up with shyness is understood to be a personality trait. Introverts are not necessarily shy, nor do they have an inherent propensity towards social anxiety, although some introverted people may also be shy or socially anxious. People who experience shyness are typically nervous and uncomfortable in social situations, are extra self-conscious and fear judgment.
Shy people tend to:
● Have low self esteem.
● Be uncomfortable around unfamiliar people, especially in group settings.
● Have a hard time speaking up in groups.
● Dislike being the center of attention.
While feeling awkward and uncomfortable can be unpleasant and present some obstacles in life, shyness is not considered a disorder because it is manageable. The symptoms of anxiety experienced by shy people do not significantly impair the quality of their lives.
Social Anxiety
Social anxiety is a mental health condition defined by a higher level of anxiety than with shyness. There is a degree of impairment to one's capacity to manage their anxiety and live a meaningful and functional life, and the obstacles are truly daunting. Following is an abbreviated list of criteria from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental
Health Disorders (DSM V) for Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD):
● Experience is disproportionate to the situation, ie; severe panic attack or vomiting
before a presentation.
● Symptoms last for at least 6 months.
● Symptoms interfere with daily life, including daily activities and work.
● Pervasively experience fear and anxiety in social situations.
● There is not a medication or drug that could be causing the excessive fear and
anxiety.
● The experience is not better explained by another disorder or medical condition.
Common Physical Symptoms of Anxiety
● Queasy stomach
● Tense muscles
● Cold hands and feet
● Headache
● Chest pain
● A sense of panic
● Feeling unsafe
● Flushing
● Sweating
● Heart palpitations
● Racing heart
● Trouble concentrating
● Trembling
Social anxiety is very painful to live with, leaving many people isolated and alone. Paradoxically, these people need the most social contact and support and yet have the hardest time reaching out for help. Whether you are introverted, shy, or socially anxious there is no way to get around the fact that human beings are social creatures who need each other. Social anxiety is a response to life experiences which teach us to expect the worst from others and from social situations. We learn to avoid contact by withdrawing and isolating in order to feel safer, but in the meantime we lose out on necessary and nourishing connections. As humans we will always crave and have the need; to be seen and understood; to share our gifts; to learn from others; and to participate in life with others. Part of how we find meaning in life is through these connections.
Techniques for social anxiety
1. Focusing on your breathing
2. Positive, reassuring self talk
3. Distractions (do something different)
4. Humor
5. Cold shower or ice plunge
There is no “one size fits all” when it comes to finding the tools that will work for you. Not all techniques are for every person. We are all unique, with different triggers, needs, and experiences. Try some of these techniques to see if there are any that you like and work for you. Lifestyle adjustments and daily and weekly routines can make a big difference in reducing stress and anxiety.
Lifestyle adjustments for social anxiety
1. Mindfulness (breathing, yoga, meditation)
2. Self care (this includes finding pleasure in hobbies that you enjoy)
3. Sleep hygiene
4. Regular exercise
5. Therapy (EMDR, CBT, and Exposure Therapy are highly recommended).
6. Medication (your primary care physician or psychiatrist can help you decide
whether medication could be of benefit to you. This is a very personal decision
and is not for everyone).
Short Self Assessment Questionnaire
This is a self measurement tool to get a general sense of your level of social anxiety, it is not an official diagnostic tool. Should you wish to get a formal diagnosis please reach out to your primary care physician or psychiatrist.
Measurement Scale: 1 = Not at all 2 = Sometimes 3 = Most of the time
I go out of my way to avoid embarrassment, criticism, or judgment, and tend to be very critical of myself.
I feel deficient and inadequate.
I am overly self conscious, ruminating and analyzing what I did or said in previous social situations.
I feel that I have to perform for others and try to be who others want me to be.
I feel self conscious when stopped at a red light next to another car.
I avoid situations where people are gathered, such at parties and social events unless I am with a close friend.
I experience physical symptoms of anxiety such as nausea, heart rate increase, shortness of breath, and/or shakiness whenever I become the center of attention.
Fear of being seen in a negative light and the possibility of rejection causes me to avoid situations that otherwise would be good for me.
I spend too much time alone when I would rather be spending time with others, but the anxiety from being with others is worse than when I am alone.
A score of 14 or above may indicate social anxiety. But again, this questionnaire is not a conclusive test, nor a diagnostic tool. Identifying your social anxiety and naming it for what it is can open up options so you can do something about it, but be careful not to overly identify with any diagnosis. It is common to think, “there is something wrong with me, I have social anxiety disorder”, or “I am damaged, and will be socially anxious for the rest of my life”, but it is not helpful. That is only your fear talking, it is not true. You are not your social anxiety, and social anxiety does not define who you are. What is helpful is doing something about it.
Getting Help
Part of healing is reconnecting with who you are, developing self compassion, and exploring the things that matter most. Therapy is a highly effective method of treatment for social anxiety, especially when your social circle has become too small and you have found yourself isolated. In therapy you will gain practical skills for day to day life and specific situations, set goals for creating the life you want for yourself, and deepen your understanding of just how you became anxious. Therapy can also be a building block for “real life” relationships and healing earlier relationship wounds. Contact us today to set up a free initial consultation!
Learn more about our anxiety therapy in Boulder, Longmont and Denver.
For your other needs, you can count on April Lyons Psychotherapy Group, to help you heal and grow through EMDR therapy, somatic therapy, trauma therapy, and PTSD treatment, because we believe in your strength and potential for recovery.
