We all know someone who is fiercely independent…never asks for help and believes they can handle matters all on their own. Maybe that person is you.
Everyone loves a self-sufficient and low-maintenance person. In some cases, this high level of independence is even rewarded.
This need to independently handle everything that life throws at you becomes second nature, somewhat of a valuable trait. But what if this hyper-independence is actually a defense mechanism that comes from past trauma?
What is Hyper-Independence?
So what is hyper-independence? It’s when you rely only on yourself to accomplish any given task. You refrain from seeking the support of others and avoid bothering to ask for help.
Hyper-independence is often masked as a positive quality or a sign of strength. Independence can be empowering and healthy in certain situations. However, if this independence stems from some unresolved, unprocessed trauma, it can actually be a negative attribute.
How Does Trauma Lead to Hyper-Independence?
Trauma is something that many people experience in their lifetime. Negative childhood experiences, like having parents who cannot provide safety, security, or meet your basic needs can cause trauma. Being abused by a relative or suffering physical violence with a partner are other negative situations that can cause trauma. Maybe you experienced trauma in the form of significant loss of a loved one.
These types of situations can lead to the development of unhealthy coping strategies like hyper-independence. If you’ve been let down repeatedly, you may have learn to handle matters on your own. When your partner isn’t emotionally available or has aggressive tendencies, you tend to learn to avoid being in a vulnerable spot.
When you aren’t getting your basic needs aren’t being met, you’re forced to do so yourself. In more severe cases, this can be a survival strategy.
Signs of Hyper-Independence
This need to be hyper-independent often stems from the fear of being vulnerable, relying on anyone else, opening up, or being viewed as weak.
Hyper-independence can look like the following:
Taking on too much work or responsibility
Difficulty delegating to others
Saying no when someone offers help
Having a hard time trusting others
Difficulty forming or keeping close relationships
Having perfectionist tendencies
Feeling the need to control any and all situations
Feeling guilty when you do ask for help
Hyper-Independence and Mental Health
When you constantly take on more than you can chew, that self-imposed weight and responsibility can start to take its toll. You may start to feel a heavy load of stress and increased anxiety, both of which can lead to feelings of burnout.
This can strain on your ability to have supportive relationships with colleagues, friends, and family. At a point, those around you may eventually stop offering help and that can change certain dynamics.
Hyper-Independence and Physical Health
Hyper-independence can lead to a consistent feeling of hypervigilance. Your body lives in this state of looking over your shoulder. The natural fight or flight stress response becomes easily activated. You’re may develop an elevated heart rate, increased blood pressure, stomach issues, and aches and pains.
With your mental health causing your body to become out of whack, you may experience more fatigue than normal. Your immune system’s ability to ward off illness can become weaker. It’s also possible for your sleep patterns to become disrupted resulting in poor recovery.
Managing Your Hyper-Independence
There are a number of ways you can start to address your hyper-independence, especially if it’s stemming from some type of trauma. The first step is gaining awareness.
The next step is seeking professional guidance. Through trauma-based therapy, we can work on establishing healthy coping mechanisms, and mindfulness practices. All of those will enable you to connect to your emotions in a more positive manner.
If you want to see if trauma therapy is a good fit for you, reach out to us today for a free consultation.
Learn more about trauma therapy in Colorado.
