When it comes to mental health matters, a very complex weaving pattern occurs between thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Each of these can heavily influence your overall well-being with the slightest offset of balance.
Some things are outright obvious as to their impact, while other factors are a little more subtle. The art of people-pleasing is one factor that can contribute to the onset of depression or fuel your symptoms to become worse over time.
What is People-Pleasing?
People-pleasing is a behavioral need to gain another person’s approval through actions that make them happy. The urge to seek that acceptance can be so strong that it comes at the expense of your own needs.
With people-pleasing, you tend to sacrifice your values, wants, and beliefs to avoid conflict. There is a significant lack of boundaries with others.
Such behaviors may stem from fear of rejection, striving to help others, poor self-esteem, or needing validation from others to be content. While this behavior may seem like it’s for the greater good of others around you, you may actually be hurting yourself in the long run—and possibly the short term.
The Toll of People-Pleasing
When you hang your feelings of success and achievement in the hands of others, you can end up feeling drained and disappointed. Prolonged feelings of sadness and reduced joy can result from people-pleasing habits but can also be indicative of depression.
If you’re a chronic people-pleaser, here are several ways it can be fueling your depression.
1. Having Unrealistic Expectations
There is no one person or one thing that will always make everyone else happy. By believing otherwise, you’re setting yourself up for failure with unrealistic expectations.
Trying to please and be perfect for everyone else can lead you to change your habits or make you believe you won’t be accepted unless you act a certain way. This can become quite exhausting. Over time, you may start to feel hopeless when you can’t achieve unrealistic expectations.
2. Lacking Boundaries
When you strive to please others, you’re doing so at the expense of your own needs. You blatantly ignore your boundaries, or in some cases, you may not even have boundaries set.
Doing things you don’t actually want to do or participating in activities that don’t serve you can start to harm your well-being. Burnout can lead to depression.
3. Feeling Depleted
The amount of effort it takes to act your non-natural way or participate in activities you don’t want to do can leave you feeling drained and depleted. If you start having difficulty pleasing those you’re attempting to, you may become frustrated or resentful.
Once this behavior becomes known to those around you, they may start to expect such habits in the future. You may begin to feel unappreciated, making your self-esteem decrease. When you start to feel bad about yourself, it can fuel depression and cause a strain on your relationship.
4. Poor Self-Care
By the time you finish taking care of others and pushing your needs aside, you may find that you have little energy left for the things that you do enjoy. If you have no energy, worrying about your self-care may take a way back seat.
Neglecting your own self-care and well-being can contribute to worsening feelings of depression.
How to Fix the Problem
When you’re a people-pleaser, gaining awareness is the first step to overcoming it. You need to evaluate your motives for your actions and take a step back. Are you doing it because it makes you happy, or do you genuinely want to? Or is it for approval?
If your behavior is fueled by a need for approval or your depression is becoming worse, consult us to learn more about recovery options.
Learn more about depression therapy in Boulder, Longmont and Denver.
For your other needs, you can count on April Lyons Psychotherapy Group, to help you heal and grow through EMDR therapy, somatic therapy, trauma therapy, and PTSD treatment, because we believe in your strength and potential for recovery.
